What a Difference a Year Makes

A year ago Saturday, I was laying in a hospital gown on a cold hard bed in a room with three other strange women. Women much older than me, with struggles and stories of their own. Stories I’ll never know nor care to. I remember the one’s husband was talking so loud on his phone the entire time I had to lie there, I just wanted to shout, shut up! Don’t you know some of our souls are busy dying here?

The nurse came to book me in and take my vitals. What are you in for, she asked. Why do they ask that? Isn’t it right in front of their faces on the chart that has all my life’s information? I had a miscarriage and am here for the D&C, I responded. Oh, it will be all right dear, just pray a little harder next time, she said. I couldn’t respond.

I had prayed. I had prayed long and hard for this baby. I had gotten on my knees and prayed. And I am pretty sure we had lots of people praying for us and this baby as well. Pray harder? Who says that?

Thankfully my best friend Mia walked in or I may have slapped that women out of shear anger. See, seeing Mia was a shock. I didn’t know she was coming and I definitely didn’t invite her. When I walked out of the doctor earlier that week with all my hopes and dreams shattered, I turned off my phone. And by turning off my phone, I shut out all my friends and family. I shut myself off of Facebook and Twitter and all the happy people with their perfect lives. I didn’t want to hear I’m sorry or I wish there was something I could do. I didn’t even want to go for a drink. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to hide away from the world and be alone. I think I have mentioned before, I like to lock myself away in closets and cry. Well I couldn’t even do that as there were workers here installing new closets, so I had to lay in the guest bedroom, with strange men walking through my house, and cry my eyes out. Again, I was broken.

As I sit here and type this, I have the sweetest almost five month old miracle sitting on my lap. He’s drooling all over the place, but this little guy has made me whole again. One friend said it perfectly, so many things had to go so wrong before all this could go so right, and that’s the truth. Some times life has to go really wrong, before it can all go right again.

So my advice to you is to never lose hope, because you never know what a difference a year can make.

Photo on 2014-12-03 at 4.52 PM

 

 

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